Countdown
And then they have this electronic sign that posts how many minutes till the arrival of all the various bus lines. And my bus line was listed up there. It said it would be arriving in four minutes. Four minutes came. No bus came. And then it said, “Well, it was going to come in 12 minutes.” 12 minutes came, and then no bus came. And then it said it was—it had some other time. It was going to come in another four minutes. And then it just never came. The bus never came.
But it ended out giving Rachamim just the amount of time he needed to get to the bus stop to meet me. And we just went on some random bus. I said, “We’ll just take a bus up to the train stop, and we’ll take the train.” I said we have to walk farther from the train, but my bus is never coming, so I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s never coming. So, we got on a bus and got off where we would need to get off to get on the train. And just as we’re stepping down to the sidewalk, the bus that I needed was right there. So we got onto it, and it was—we finally arrived at the right stop and walked to this little mini market where my package was supposed to be.
And they’re like, “You can’t get it today because it closes at 3:00.” It closed at 3:00. I guess it was after 3:00 by then. I don’t think it was a lot after 3:00, but it was after 3:00 by then. We couldn’t get it. I was like, “Oh my gosh,” so annoyed and so disappointed because I needed that time, and I needed to pick up that package. It’s been there for at least a week, and it’s going to be really hard for me to get it during the coming days. I might try and go get it tomorrow, tomorrow morning sometime, because I don’t know when I’m going to do all of these things. So anyway, it was kind of frustrating.
I told Rachamim, “Let’s eat out because there’s nothing to eat at home. I don’t have anything thawed.” Actually, we don’t have hardly any food in the house because I just figured we were going to be eating at the center.
I told him, “I want to buy a little bit of fruit for Dorit. I know that she likes apples.” I remember before Dorit—Anyway, I remember last year that I had bought a bunch of fruit and a bunch of things to have in the house for her. And she is a vegetarian, and she’s very weight conscious, and she’s very diet conscious. She doesn’t eat any kind of sweets or breads or anything like that. And I noticed of the fruit that she really likes apples. So we went to the shuk, and I bought four or five different types of apples so that there are apples around here for her to take, to throw in her bag, and take up to the center because it must be hard for her to get enough to eat. She’s very picky, I noticed. She’s very picky in her eating. So anyway, we did that.
We ate in downtown Petach Tikva. We ate al ha’esh, some barbecued chicken. It was actually quite tasty. I mean, we just sat on the street, on a table on the street. It’s not a picturesque place at all, but it was good. Rachamim was happy. We didn’t—it’s not the kind of place where you need to leave a tip or anything like that. Just ordered your food. But it was good. Actually, it was quite good. It tasted good. And we had dinner, and we came home by bus.
And by the time I got home, it was like, I don’t know, at least 6 o’clock, after 6 o’clock, around 6 o’clock. I immediately started working, continuing my work. I had started in the morning before I left. I had changed the bed in here. I was halfway through making the bed for Dorit. I didn’t put the comforter or the duvet on the comforter. But I was getting going on making the bed and getting the room ready. And I had washed the dairy dishes but not the meat dishes in the kitchen. And so when I came home, I started back into work, shining the fixtures in the bathroom and finishing making the beds and getting my clothes out of this room that were filling up the space.—collected my personal things. I filled my pill organizer for the whole week so I don’t have to come in here to get my vitamins every night. And just generally organizing. So that’s what I’ve been doing the last few hours.
And I finally sat down and thought, “Well, while the robot is doing the floors, I will maybe do my post for tonight because I need to get to bed.”
Dorit called this evening. She said she’s coming between 7:00 and 8:00 in the morning. You know me. I’m the biggest night owl, so between 7:00 and 8:00 in the morning is just horrendous time for me. But I’m just going to have to get used to it this week. I’m just going to have to be flexible.
I’m a little tired tonight. I only got about somewhere close to six hours sleep, not quite. So I’m a bit tired. I knew I needed to get up and get going. So I think we’re more or less ready. I mean, if I didn’t do another thing, the house is at least her room is ready. So it would be okay. I could make do. But I’m going to go work in the kitchen a little bit more.
If I had the energy, I would think up my outfits for this week and get the clothes that I need out of here. But I’ll get them out of here sometime tomorrow. I can do some of these things tomorrow.
Anyway, this is what I’ve been doing today. I have not—I don’t know. It’s not a very remarkable day or a particularly interesting day. It was a necessary day to accomplish all these cleaning tasks and organizing for company. So I think I’ve just about done that. I’m now working on making my post, and I’m going to read some Zohar and have a cup of coffee. And then I will do the rest of the dishes, clean up the kitchen a little bit, I think. And then I better head to bed because I need to take care of myself. It’s going to be a long week. So that’s what’s up with me.
I guess I’m going to close this for now and find the text for the Zohar reading. So I will say Lailatul Towaf until it’s time to read.
And always in love and soul devotion.
Zohar for Us
If so, with what is she recognized when she takes from the Patriarchs?אֶלָּא בִּנְקֻדָּה.
Rather with the point.כַּאֲשֶׁר הִיא נְקֻדָּה מִצַּד הַקָּמֵץ נִטֶּלֶת מֵחֶסֶד.
When she is a point from the side of Kamatz she takes from Chesed.וְכַאֲשֶׁר הִיא נְקֻדָּה מִצַּד הַשְּׁבָא נִטֶּלֶת מִגְּבוּרָה.
And when she is a point from the side of Sheva she takes from Gevurah.וְכַאֲשֶׁר נְקֻדָּה מֵחוֹלָם הוּא מִצַּד עַמּוּד הָאֶמְצָעִי,
And when a point from Cholam — it is from the side of the middle pillar,שֶׁשְּׁלוֹשֶׁת נְקֻדּוֹת אֵלּוּ הֵן מַיִם וְאֵשׁ וְרוּחַ.
for these three points are water and fire and air.וַיֹּאמֶר אֵי הֶבֶל אָחִיךָ,
And He said: “Where is Abel your brother?”בּוֹא וּרְאֵה, שְׁתֵּי אוֹתִיּוֹת אֵלּוּ שֶׁהִסְתַּלְּקוּ מִמֶּנּוּ,
Come and see: these two letters that were removed from him,שֶׁבָּהֶם חָטָא, גָּרְמוּ לוֹ מִיתָה.
with which he sinned, caused him death.א’ אָמוֹן מוּפְלָא וּמְכֻסֶּה.
Aleph — Amon (hidden), wondrous and covered.י’ מַחֲשָׁבָה.
Yod — thought.אָמַר לוֹ רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר, אַבָּא, וַהֲרֵי כַּמָּה מַחְשָׁבוֹת הֵן.
Rabbi Elazar said to him: Father, but behold how many thoughts there are.שְׁכִינָה תַּחְתּוֹנָה נִקְרֵאת מַחֲשָׁבָה.
The lower Shechinah is called thought.חָכְמָה עֶלְיוֹנָה נִקְרֵאת מַחֲשָׁבָה.
Supernal Chochmah is called thought.וּלְמַעְלָה לְמַעְלָה מַחֲשָׁבָה.
And higher and higher — thought.וּלְמַעְלָה מִכֻּלָּם מַחֲשָׁבָה שֶׁאֵין לְמַעְלָה מִמֶּנָּה,
And above all of them — thought that has nothing above it,וְהִיא סְתוּמַת כָּל הַסְּתוּמִים, עֶלְיוֹנַת כָּל עֶלְיוֹנִים.
and it is the most hidden of all hidden things, the highest of all high things.אִם תֹּאמַר שֶׁעָלְתָה מַחֲשֶׁבֶת הָאָדָם שָׁם.
If you say that human thought ascended there —לֹא, שֶׁהֲרֵי נֶאֱמַר בּוֹ וָאִירָא כִּי עֵירֹם אָנֹכִי וָאֵחָבֵא.
no, for behold it is said concerning him: “And I was afraid because I was naked and I hid.”שֶׁזֶּה עֵרוֹם מֵרְאֶה שֶׁהִתְפַּשֵּׁט מִלְּבוּשׁוֹ.
For this naked means that he stripped himself of his garment.וּמִפְּנֵי זֶה נֶאֱמַר בְּאַבָּא וָאֵחָבֵא, וּבַבֵּן וַיַּסְתֵּר מֹשֶׁה.
And therefore it is said concerning Abba: “And I hid,” and concerning the son: “And Moses hid.”אָמַר לוֹ, בְּנִי, בַּכֹּל חָטָא.
He said to him: My son, he sinned in everything.בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה שֶׁהִיא לְבוּשׁ לְמַחֲשָׁבָה סְתוּמָה.
In thought which is the garment for hidden thought.וּבְמַחֲשָׁבָה סְתוּמָה.
And in hidden thought.וְזוֹ הָיְתָה מִיתָתוֹ שֶׁהִסְתַּלְּקָה מַחֲשָׁבָה סְתוּמַת כָּל הַסְּתוּמִים מִמֶּנּוּ
And this was his death — that the most hidden thought of all hidden things was removed from himשֶׁהוּא חַי הַחַיִּים.
who is the Life of lives.שֶׁבִּמְקוֹם שֶׁהוּא שָׁם אֵין מִיתָה שָׁם.
For in the place where He is there is no death.וְחָטָא בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה סְתוּמָה וְנִשְׁאַר עֵרוֹם מִמֶּנָּה,
And he sinned in hidden thought and remained naked from it,מִכָּל מַה שֶׁלְּמַעְלָה מִן אִמָּא עִילָאָה שֶׁהִיא תְּשׁוּבָה חָטָא,
from everything that is above Ima Ilaha which is Teshuvah he sinned,וְהִסְתַּלְּקוּ מִמֶּנּוּ,
and they were removed from him,וְאִם לֹא שֶׁעָמְדָה עִמּוֹ תְּשׁוּבָה וְגָלְתָה עִמּוֹ,
and if not that Teshuvah stood with him and went into exile with him,הָיָה נֶאֱבָד מִכֹּל וָכֹל.
he would have been lost completely.וּמִפְּנֵי זֶה אִם עֲוֹנוֹת תִּשְׁמֹר יָ”ה ה’ מִי יַעֲמֹד,
And therefore: “If You should mark iniquities, Yah — Hashem — who could stand?”מִי יַעֲמֹד וַדַּאי.
Who could stand — certainly.וּמִפְּנֵי זֶה וּבְפִשְׁעֵיכֶם שֻׁלְּחָה אִמְּכֶם,
And therefore: “And because of your transgressions your mother was sent away,”אוֹתָהּ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בָּהּ שַׁלֵּחַ תְּשַׁלַּח אֶת הָאֵם,
that one concerning which it is said: “You shall surely send away the mother,”אֵת לְרַבּוֹת שְׁכִינָה תַּחְתּוֹנָה עִמָּהּ.
the word “et” comes to include the lower Shechinah with her.אִמָּא עִילָאָה עוֹמֶדֶת בָּאָדָם.
Ima Ilaha stands in man.וְאִמָּא תַּחְתּוֹנָה בְּהֶבֶל.
And Ima Tata’a in Abel.שֶׁחֵטְא הָאָדָם גָּדוֹל הָיָה מִשֶּׁל הֶבֶל.
For the sin of Adam was greater than that of Abel.וּמִפְּנֵי זֶה, בְּנִי, א”י מִן אֶהְיֶ”ה הוּא אֵ”י שֶׁחָטָא בּוֹ הֶבֶל אָחִיךָ.
And therefore, my son: Ay from Ehyeh is the Ay with which Abel your brother sinned.וְהִסְתַּלְּקוּ וְנִשְׁאַר ה’ ה’.
And they were removed and Heh Heh remained.וּמִפְּנֵי זֶה אֵ”י הֶבֶל אָחִיךָ.
And therefore: “Where is Abel your brother?”וְהוּא א”י מִן אֲדֹנָ”י וְנִשְׁאַר ד’ ן’ מִן אֲדֹנָ”י,
And it is Ay from Adonai and Dalet-Nun remained from Adonai,חֵטְא הָאָדָם גָּרַם שֶׁהִסְתַּלֵּק י’ ו’ מִן יְהוָ”ה.
the sin of Adam caused Yod and Vav to be removed from YHVH.וְנִשְׁאַר ה’ ה’.
And Heh Heh remained.אָמַר לוֹ, אַבָּא, וַהֲרֵי י’ ו’ הָיָה לוֹ לִהְיוֹת ו’ י’.
He said to him: Father, but Yod-Vav should have become Vav-Yod.אָמַר לוֹ בְּנִי. וַדַּאי זֶה הַסּוֹד שֶׁחָטָא בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה עֶלְיוֹנָה.
He said to him: My son, certainly this is the secret — that he sinned in supernal thought.שֶׁהִסְתַּלְּקָה י’ מִן א’ וְנִשְׁאַר ו’ י’.
That Yod was removed from Aleph and Vav-Yod remained.מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהִסְתַּלֵּק מִשָּׁם עִלַּת הָעִלּוֹת שֶׁהוּא מַחֲשָׁבָה סְתוּמָה בְּאוֹת י’ מִן א.
Because the Cause of Causes was removed from there — which is hidden thought in the letter Yod from Aleph.שֶׁאֵין יִחּוּד, מַחֲשָׁבָה, חוּץ מִמֶּנּוּ.
For there is no unification, no thought, outside of Him.וְכָאן סוֹד שֶׁלֹּא הִתְגַּלָּה עַד עַכְשָׁו.
And here is a secret that has not been revealed until now.וְזֶה הוּא. כִּי יָדַע שֶׁמִּי יִקְרָאֵנִי וְאֶעֱנֵהוּ.
And this is it: “For He knows that from Me one will call Me and I will answer him.”שֵׁ”ם י’ שֶׁאֵין לְמַעְלָה מִמֶּנּוּ כְּלָל אֶלָּא אוֹתוֹ שֶׁבָּרָא הַכֹּל.
The Name of Yod that has nothing at all above it except that One who created everything.וְאֵין מִי שֶׁבָּרָא אוֹתוֹ.
And there is no one who created Him.שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹרֵא שֶׁנִּבְרָא, כְּגוֹן מַיִם שֶׁהוּא בּוֹרֵא אֶת הָעֲשָׂבִים וּמְגַדֵּל אוֹתָם וְהוּא נִבְרָא
For there is a creator that was created, for example water — it creates the grasses and grows them and it itself is createdאֲבָל זֶה בָּרָא וְלֹא נִבְרָא הוּא שֶׁאֵין אֱלוֹהַּ לְמַעְלָה מִמֶּנּוּ.
but this One created and was not created — He is the One who has no God above Him.אָמַר לוֹ, אַבָּא, מַה אוֹ”י הוֹ”י.
He said to him: Father, what is Avi Hoy?אָמַר לוֹ בְּנִי זֶה הוּא כַּאֲשֶׁר מִסְתַּלֵּק א מִן אֶהְיֶ”ה עִם י”ו מִן יְהוָ”ה נַעֲשָׂה אוֹ”י.
He said to him: My son, this is when Aleph is removed from Ehyeh together with Yod-Vav from YHVH, it becomes Avi.אָמַר לוֹ, אִם כָּךְ, זוֹ א’ שֶׁשָּׁם ו”י, לְמַעְלָה מִן א’ מִן אֶהְיֶ”ה הִיא,
He said to him: If so, this Aleph where there is Vav-Yod, above the Aleph from Ehyeh is she,וּמִכָּל שֵׁמוֹת.
and above all names.אָמַר לוֹ, בְּנִי, יֵשׁ א’ שֶׁהִיא בְּצוּרַת דְּמוּת זֶה. יו”ד.
He said to him: My son, there is an Aleph that is in the form of this image: Yod.י’ לְמַעְלָה ו’ בְּאֶמְצַע ד’ לְמַטָּה.
Yod above, Vav in the middle, Dalet below.וְזֶה א’ מִן אֶהְיֶ”ה, א’ מִן אֲדֹנָ”י.
And this is Aleph from Ehyeh, Aleph from Adonai.אֲבָל א’ זוֹ, סוֹפָהּ כִּתְחִלָּתָהּ וּתְחִלָּתָהּ כְּסוֹפָהּ.
But this Aleph — its end is like its beginning and its beginning is like its end.וּבָהּ אָמַר עִלַּת הָעִלּוֹת אֲנִי רִאשׁוֹן וַאֲנִי אַחֲרוֹן.
And in it the Cause of Causes said: “I am first and I am last.”וּבְאוֹת ו’ הָאֶמְצָעִית, וּמִבַּלְעָדַי אֵין אֱלֹהִים.
And in the middle letter Vav: “And besides Me there is no God.”אָמַר לוֹ, הֲרֵי וַדַּאי נִגְלָה לִי מַה שֶׁלֹּא יָדַעְתִּי עַד עַכְשָׁו
He said to him: Behold certainly there has been revealed to me what I did not know until nowוְלֹא עָתִיד לְהִתְגַּלּוֹת עַד יָמִים שֶׁיָּבוֹא הַמֶּלֶךְ הַמָּשִׁיחַ.
and will not be revealed until the days when King Mashiach comes.אָמַר לוֹ אִם כָּךְ נִכָּר שֶׁיֵּשׁ אָדָם קַדְמוֹן לְכָל קְדוּמִים וְיֵשׁ אָדָם אַחֵר.
He said to him: If so, it is clear that there is a primordial man before all primordials and there is another man.אָמַר לוֹ, בְּנִי, כָּךְ הוּא וַדַּאי.
He said to him: My son, so it is certainly.אָדָם שֶׁבְּרָא אוֹתוֹ עִלַּת הָעִלּוֹת בְּצוּרַת דְּמוּת שֶׁלּוֹ סָתוּם וְגָנוּז,
Adam whom the Cause of Causes created in the form of His image — hidden and concealed,זֶה גָּרַם שֶׁהִסְתַּלֵּק עִלַּת הָעִלּוֹת.
this caused the Cause of Causes to be removed.אָדָם שֵׁנִי חָטָא בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה.
The second Adam sinned in thought.וְאָדָם שְׁלִישִׁי חָטָא בְּמַעֲשֶׂה.
And the third Adam sinned in action.שֶׁשְּׁלוֹשָׁה אָדָם הֵם.
For there are three Adams.אָדָם שֶׁל בְּרִיאָה, אָדָם שֶׁל יְצִירָה. אָדָם שֶׁל עֲשִׂיָּה.
Adam of Beriah, Adam of Yetzirah, Adam of Asiyah.שֶׁאֵין כָּל חֲטָאִים שָׁוִים.
For not all sins are equal.אָמַר לוֹ, בְּנִי, עִם כָּל זֶה הָיְתָה ה’ קַיֶּמֶת לִפְנֵי הָאָדָם.
He said to him: My son, with all this the Heh existed before Adam.אַחַר שֶׁבָּאוּ עֵרֶב רַב וְעָשׂוּ אֶת הָעֵגֶל,
After the mixed multitude came and made the calf,גָּרְמוּ שֶׁעָלְתָה ה’ לְגַבֵּי ו”י וְנַעֲשָׂה הו”י.
they caused the Heh to ascend to Vav-Yod and it became Hoy.וּמִי גָּרַם זֶה הוֹי גּוֹי חוֹטֵא.
And who caused this? “Hoy, sinful nation.”וְנִשְׁאֲרָה ה’ אַחֲרוֹנָה יְחִידָה, כְּמַה שֶּׁכָּתוּב אֵיכָה יָשְׁבָה בָדָד.
And the last Heh remained alone, as it is written: “How does she sit alone.”שֶׁבַּתְּחִלָּה וַתֵּלַכְנָה שְׁתֵּיהֶן. ה’ ה’.
For at first both of them went: Heh Heh.אַחַר כָּךְ הִסְתַּלְּקָה ה’ עֶלְיוֹנָה.
Afterwards the upper Heh was removed.נִשְׁאֲרָה ה’ תַּחְתּוֹנָה אַחֲרוֹנָה יְחִידָה.
The lower Heh remained, last and alone.אַחַר שֶׁהִתְעָרְבוּ טוֹב עִם רָע,
After good mixed with evil,מַה שֶׁהִבְדִּיל הַקָּבָּ”ה, כְּמַה שֶּׁכָּתוּב וַיַּבְדֵּל אֱלֹהִים בֵּין הָאוֹר וּבֵין הַחֹשֶׁךְ,
what the Holy One, blessed be He, had separated, as it is written: “And God divided between the light and between the darkness,”גָּרְמוּ שֶׁגָּלְתָה שְׁכִינָה וְהִתְעָרְבָה בֵּין אוֹהֶ”ע וּבְנֶיהָ עִמָּהּ,
they caused the Shechinah to go into exile and to mix between the nations and her children with her,וְשׁוֹמֶרֶת אוֹתָם בַּגָּלוּת.
and guarding them in exile.בְּאוֹתוֹ זְמַן יוֹרֵד הַקָּבָּ”ה בְּכָל אוֹתִיּוֹתָיו שֶׁהִסְתַּלְּקוּ בַּגָּלוּת,
At that time the Holy One, blessed be He, descends with all His letters that were removed in exile,כְּמַה שֶּׁכָּתוּב אֲנִי ה’ הוּא שְׁמִי וּכְבוֹדִי לְאַחֵר לֹא אֶתֵּן.
as it is written: “I am Hashem, that is My name, and My glory I will not give to another.”
